Confused by this life, but saved by grace!

Single's Week

2012-02-03T12:43:00.000-08:00

Well, here we go. My name is Jill, I am almost 33 years old and I live in NWA. I've never been married and I do not have any children. I have 2 fur kids, Belle and Lucy. I work fulltime as an Executive Asst. I am a good christian girl looking for a good christian man. I love to laugh and have fun. I enjoy going on walks, watching movie's, riding 4-wheelers, and baking. I'm a city girl, with a country girl's heart. :) I love to be silly, and can be serious too.

It is a little weird to post about myself, but I guess I should just look at it as no different than joining a dating website. ha ha I'm looking for my best friend and life long companion. Someone who loves the Lord and is honest and respectful. If you want to know any more, please feel free to email me @ jillhallrocks@gmail.com.

Here are a few pics or me:

Me in December 2011

Me and Belle, Oct. 2011

The Answer

2012-01-22T10:55:00.000-08:00

I've found myself getting all wrapped up in my "singleness" again and that seems to get me nowhere except deeper in a pit and more vulnerable for the devils attacks. When I finally allow myself to open my eyes to it, I get so frustrated at myself for getting wrapped up in the worldly crap again, so to speak.

Today at church was my eye opener again. We were singing a song, and the chorus sang, "You are the answer". That resonated so loudly in my mind and my heart. I knew it was the Lord that had me hear those specific words.

I am different from most people, I want desperately to be loved and liked by all. Well, I realize that can't always be the case. I am different from most 32 almost 33 yr olds. I'm still a virgin, yep that's right folks. Now don't get me wrong here. I have made A LOT of mistakes and I have almost compromised that sacred gift too many times to count. I deeply desire to do Gods will and to be who He created me to be. I'm saddened that I lose that focus almost daily and see myself wanting to just throw in the "good Christian girl" towel (so to speak), in order to fit in to what the world deems as "normal"! I don't, and I mean it, I DON'T want to be normal from the worlds eye, because that is exactly what the devil wants. He wants me to feel like I'm a freak or something is wrong with me and that's why I'm not married. I know in my heart that those words are lies! Sadly, I believe them way too often.

I ultimately know that the Lord is protecting me from the wrong relationships, it's hard to remember this sometimes, but I believe He is answering mine and many others who have prayed over me, that the cycle of divorce stops at me. So, God is keeping me safe in His arms. It brings tears to eyes thinking of how angry I get at the Lord, because I feel like He is punishing me or forgetting me. That's a real feeling that I wish I could say is gone, but it is alive and very active.

I say all of this to be extremely glad that the Lord spoke to me and said, "Jill, I'm the answer, come to Me". I may never understand many of the things that confuse me, or make me mad or sad about my life, but I pray that I will continue to have my eyes open and truly set on Jesus.

As much as I want to "fit in", I don't want to disappoint the Man who never leaves or abandons me, the Man who NEVER EVER stops loving me, even when I choose to be unloveable. Jesus is the Only Man who can fill any longing or empty place.

One day my prince will come, but for today, I'm going to call on my Jesus to fill my empty places.

Jill

Waiting...

2011-09-15T14:02:00.000-07:00

My whole adult life has appeared to be a season of waiting. Waiting for many small things and waiting for a few big things. For anyone who knows me, knows that I absolutely HATE waiting! I have never been one to pray for patience...it scares me. :) I guess because I feel like if I pray for it, I will be tested in that area even more and some days I just can't hardly take it.

Today happens to be one of those days. I am sick of being single and I am ready for God to send me the man that He has created for me. I don't want to rush that, AT ALL! I only want God's timing, but I want His timing RIGHT NOW! :) We live in such a "right now" society, that it is excrutiatingly hard when we have to wait for something we really want.

I know that God has a perfect plan for me and that I am called to "Be still" like Psalm 46:10 says, some days I just struggle with it a little more than others. So, I am called to WAIT...some days I will do this with grace and some days I will do this defiantly.

All in God's time and that is the only way I want it. It's just hard.

On a more positive note...I am overwelmed by God's goodness in providing me with my very own home! Thank you, Jesus.

Grateful Beyond Words

2011-08-22T09:53:00.000-07:00

So many God things have been happening in the past 2 months, it has been so wonderfully overwelming! Let me begin...I began actively looking for my first home to purchase at the beginning of Summer 2011. Let me tell you the emotions and feelings that ran through my mind were endless! Then there became a time of searching where I felt as if there were no homes available for me that I could afford. Then I get a text from my realtor in July that says, "this house just went on the market, for this amount, it is going to go fast, we have to look at it today!", I thought, ok...let's just see. So, I went and looked and wasn't very sure and then within in 10 minutes, I had to choose if I wanted to make an offer on this house! I am not a spur of the moment or fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl, as a matter of fact it takes me a long time to make a small decision, let alone a HUGE decision like this one! So, I took the first step of faith and made an offer...needless to say, I freaked out! all that weekend waiting, I thought, holy crap...what have I done...I have made a huge mistake! By Monday morning I had calmed down a lot, by prayer and finding my trust and rest in Jesus. By Tuesday I heard the words that were exciting and terifying all in the same breath..."they've accepted your offer, you are getting a HOUSE"!

Then the real grown up stuff started happening...home inspections, paper work, praying, praying, praying, and receiving what God has picked out for me. So, I was now on a mission for things/necessities, it was a foreclosure, so it did not have all the appliances and some other things that you "must" have in your home. So, I got the word out that I was in need of the following items:

Dryer (received for FREE within in a week of requesting it!) Blessing #1
Refrigerator (received for FREE within a week or 2 of requesting it!) Blessing #2, then had a minor problem and had to go a different route, and in turn received yet another FREE refrigerator from a very nice older man, whom I would ask you say a prayer or peace and joy over. so, Blessing #4
Washing Machine (purchased for a very low price off of Craigslist, and it is a good washing machine) Blessing #3
Inspection on my home was perfect, other than the minor visual things you could see that needed repaired! Blessing #5
Received a 1 year Home warranty Blessing #6

I hear a lot of people say that a lot can go wrong the week before you close on a home, paper work can get backed up, blah blah blah. Well, I received another confirmation that this was the right step for me to take, because I did not have ONE hiccup at all, Blessing #7. Then as the day came on Tuesday, August 9, 2011, I signed the papers to my very own HOME! The time it took to sign my life away as many would say, was so brief! I was told it could take anywhere from 30 min. to an hour and how horrible it is to have to sign everything...well, I don't believe it even took a whole 20 min. to sign "my life away"! Blessing #8!

Through this whole process I have seen what God can do. I am a very skeptical, scared, afraid of making a bad decision kind of girl...but, ever since I took that HUGE step of Faith...God has done nothing but confirm and bless me that this was the path that He called me on and He has been showing Himself to me in so many ways.

Blessings #9 family! I don't know what I would do without my family, my mom and step dad seem to step up at any time or season in my life. My sister for giving of her time and talents. My dad for helping in "his" way. :) My niece for wanting to be a part of all of this in helping and claiming her very own room at my new house.

Blessings #10 faithful friends! I have been extremely blessed by several friends that have gone far above and beyond what they were ever expected. From going and picking up refrigerator #1 and then in turn going and picking up refrigerator #2 and then helping move me.

Words really can not express the gratitude that I have for all of those who have prayed over me, helped me and loved me with actions and words here most recently and over the years.

Blessing #11 my home has been prayed over and I know God has put me there. And I can find rest in Him and His promises!

Awesome!

2011-05-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

Isn't it awesome when we can see in ourself that God is working on our behalf?! I have been in a pit for a few years and recently I have been drawing near to the Lord and He is pulling me out of that place. It's funny how the closer we get to the Lord the more the enemy attacks us. Sometimes it overwhelms me and other times, I have such freedom in knowing that it doesn't matter what a person thinks of me. I am a child of God and He is truly all I need.

Most recently something has happened, that when it has occured in the past, I have been devasted, but this time, it is so strange, I am not bothered at all and I am at complete peace today about it. Does that mean I will continue to feel this way? Maybe not...but, I will tell you, I am going to press in to the Lord no matter what. God is showing Himself to me in more amazing ways, and I can't wait to see how He is going to continue to reveal Himself. In this process there have been many doors and relationships I can feel He is guiding me in another direction, not necessarily closing them, but opening my eyes to things that I didn't want to see before.

Today my devotional had this scripture in it: Psalm 139:23-24 "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." I have found that I love that chapter of the bible. Psalm 139:13-18 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you." Is probably my favorite of all. Our world is so consumed with what we MUST look like, and what we MUST have. I don't know about you, but I don't want to care about the things that the world cares about. I want to care about what my CREATOR cares about and what He thinks of me, His child. I wish I could reach out to all women who feel so unloved and "ugly" and pray this word over them and that it would sink in to all of us...me included.

God's love NEVER fails, NEVER leaves us, NEVER walks out on us. His timing is always perfect!

Have a good Monday!

Blessings...

2011-04-27T12:43:00.000-07:00

This song and it's words sum up so many things for me and it really ties into my last post. God is so good, all the time! Even when we feel like we are alone! He always knows what is best for us.

I pray this song "blesses" you:

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home,

It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

By: Laura Story

Learning

2011-04-23T20:10:00.001-07:00

I've been on a learning path for well, my whole life! Haven't we all? There are certain things that I feel are just a continual relearning repeats that never get learned! How frustrating...

I know it is important to have boundaries with people, but I seem to struggle in having boundaries with close friends. I tend to feel so comfortable that I seem to "spill it all" so to speak. Then there are many times I wish I hadn't! Why do I not learn?! I tend to be extremely relational, so I'm pretty sure that is why I so desperately want relationships and ultimately a best friend or two. Also, I feel like I am always accessible and available to some people, though I want to be accessible, I have to learn how to set a boundary there, because other friends are NOT accessible! And I end up getting my feelings bruised.

Why do we give titles to people? Why do we have to say, oh, this is my best friend so & so, why can't we just say, this is my friend! I guess I get my feelings hurt when I am introduced to someone by who I would consider a very close friend as just a "friend". So ridiculous, I KNOW.

I feel like sensitive Sally a lot, but I just got a book recommendation from a great godly woman, it's called Highly Sensitive, understanding your gift of spiritual sensitivity, by Carol Brown.

And being single when every one of your friends is married is difficult at times, I feel like they don't seek out the friendships quite as passionately as I do. It may never make sense this side of heaven, but it sure helps to know God is always there for us! ALWAYS!

Jill 

Ready....

2011-03-17T18:29:00.001-07:00

Lord,
Today I'm lonely, tired of being alone, tired of being single. I know Jeremiah 29:11, but I'm ready to see what You are holding out for me. My heart aches and longs to love the man that You have for me.

Why do I have to wait? When will You make me at peace with this? Why does my heart long and ache for my mate if I am not to be married?

Just lots of questions today. I see ALL around me people having what I so deeply desire. Some so grateful and some so ungrateful. Some living out their hearts desire.

Be still...Jill

In His time...

Feelings, Emotions, Thoughts

2011-03-15T19:51:00.000-07:00

Do you ever think too much? Do you ever get overly sensitive? I do! I drive myself nuts sometimes worrying about why people act the way they do. I'm always so certain I've done something to make them in a bad mood. Well, that can't be right...again this is another place the stupid devil attacks me! He really tries to put negative worrisome thoughts in my head constantly, but I am wising up and not letting his stupid schemes defeat me any more!

Don't get me wrong, I still struggle! Obviously today I failed, but praise Jesus for His love and mercy! His mercies are new EVERY morning!

Thank you, Jesus for your truly unfailing love!

Romans 15:13 need to ring in my mind;
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

Lord, help me to overflow with Your joyful and steady loving spirit!

Jill 

Trust & Believe = Faith?

2011-03-05T19:59:00.001-08:00

I have really been pondering a lot lately about relationships. Not just men relationships, but friend relationships. I kinda had a revelation the other day. I seem to always struggle with friendships, things will go well and then suddenly things go wrong. I thrive on friendships and when I feel like I don't have a so called "best friend", I become lonely, sometimes extremely lonely. So, I have realized why I am so called different in this...I am single. I do not have a husband, my best friend yet, so I am more "needy" in the friend dept. :).

Now do not get me wrong here, Jesus is to be our ALL IN ALL, I get that! But, I also need visible, vocal friends too.

I have become friends with someone I didn't think I could be friends with because my heart was so hurt, but in being half way friends with this person, I also have to be careful that I do not read into it more than I should. This friend is my ex bf. I don't date, rarely ever, so it's really easy for me to always wonder in the back of my mind if something is supposed to be there one day down the road. I know for certain now is not right, it may never be right. I just have to trust, then believe that God WILL bring me my prince, my champion when HIS timing is right, and that for me = FAITH!

Some times waiting and having faith is sooo hard! But, I praise JESUS for HIS protection over me for the past 32 yrs!

Jill 

Baby it's cold outside!

2011-01-21T14:49:00.000-08:00

BRRR! It is so cold outside. This is not my favorite time of the year. I prefer spring and fall, especially fall! This is the season for my birthday and it is always so dang cold in January and February! I guess it could be worse! :)

I will be 32 in less than a month...WOW! That kinda freaks me out and it also makes me wonder what my new year will bring. That's when the verse, "do not be anxious for anything, but with prayer and petition offer your requests to the Lord"...so...I am going to do my best not to be anxious or worry about tomorrow! Some days I am good at that, some days I am not.

So glad it's Friday! So ready to have sickness GONE!

Have a great weekend!

YUM!

2011-01-11T16:22:00.000-08:00

I enjoy eating out, but I really really do like to eat at home too! Here is one of my favorite quick yummy dinners:

God Speaks...

2011-01-02T07:14:00.001-08:00

Wow, I picked up my devotional by Joyce Meyer this morning, "Battlefield of the Mind" and the Lord totally spoke to me. Especially with the relationship troubles I've been having. "Think About What You Are Thinking About" and the verse that goes with it is Philippians 4:8a Whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your mind on these things].

This has been such a great devotional for me, because my mind runs wild and goes so many places it shouldn't. I can't blame my unhappiness on anyone! I cant! The enemy knows were to attack me and my thoughts is a huge place. I have to make it a priority to review the way I am thinking! "Satan deceives us into thinking that the source of our misery or pain is other people or sometimes our situations. He tries not to let us face the fact that our own thoughts are the source of our unhappiness".

My goal: seek the Lords help to keep my mind and thoughts fixed on Him! And to find my joy and completion in Jesus!

Jill :)

Learning How the Lord keeps Providing, But Still Confused...

2011-01-01T20:05:00.001-08:00

Well another year has come and gone, it's kind of weird in a sense and then again not. I always wonder what the new year will bring, every year I have "oh I wonder if this will happen" and "what if this or that". I would really like to let go of that concept in my mind, but unfortunately it is still in the center of my mind. Hmmm....I used to be a dreamer, now I feel like I am just a realist and a dream downer. I really wish I didn't lose the dreamer part of me. Maybe if I seek the Lord on that, He will help me get it back. It just seems all the things I had dreamt of and hoped for as a little girl are different and haven't happened...yet.

A continual heart ache for me is relationships, not just guy relationships, but girl friend relationships. I tend to get really close to some girls and the friendship is so fun for a while and then something always changes. I have learned something about myself, well actually a few things, I have learned that when I care about someone, it is 100% and I would do anything for them. But, there comes a point where if you are the only one putting forth most of the effort, maybe it's time to let it go. These words "letting go" are such heart wrenching words to me. I hate to admit it, but I wear my heart and my feelings on my sleeve. A blatant sign for me is calls not being returned, texts going unanswered, and only getting called when it's convenient for the other party. These are all signs of rejection
to me. Every person has there own form of rejection, but I am a person who thrives on words
of affirmation and actions, so when those things are hurtful or non existent, that's where
I have to let it go. My mom used to tell me if you have 1 true friend in this life you are lucky. I am learning there is so much truth in that the older I get. We were made for relationships and I thrive on having close friends, I'm just going to have to trust in the Lord with this one.

I hope to be married to the man that God created just for me one day, and even then I will still deeply desire girl friends!

Happy 2011 

the hurt sets in. I started thinking maybe I was too needy, but I don't believe that, I believe the enem

Jill :)

YUM!

2010-11-19T13:48:00.000-08:00

Pumpkin Gratin

Canned pumpkin speeds things up but you can always try with fresh pumpkin when the season is right J.

4 Servings

· 1 can (15.5 ounces) 100% pure pumpkin puree (I use the Libby’s canned pumpkin)

· 3 large eggs

· 1 cup heavy cream

· 3/4 cup grated Swiss cheese

· 3/4 teaspoon salt

· 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

· 1 teaspoon unsalted butter

· 1 tablespoon grated Parmesan cheese

　Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Spoon the pumpkin puree into a food processor and add the eggs, cream, cheese, salt, and pepper. Process for 10 to 15 seconds to combine.

Coat a 6-cup gratin dish with the butter. Fill the dish with the pumpkin mixture. Sprinkle the Parmesan cheese on top and bake for 35 to 45 minutes, until set and lightly browned on top. Serve.

I just had this today at work for our Thanksgiving food day and it was AMAZING!

Places & Things

2010-10-21T13:00:00.000-07:00

I decided to have a little fun and let you all know a little more about me and a few desires that I have:

Destinations I would like to go to one day (listed in order of importance):

Maldives

Ireland

NYC

St. Lucia

Maine

Bahamas

Destin FL

Venice Italy

Top 10 things I love:

A nice comfy bed
COFFEE
Purses
Makeup!
Laughing
Babies
Good devotionals
Chocolate & Peanut butter!
Going to a spa
Perfume

What are some of your favorite things?

One of those days....

2010-10-19T09:56:00.000-07:00

Please tell me I am not the only one who has these days....the day that anyone and anyone gets under your skin. Even I myself am getting under my own skin today. Is it the weather? Is it my hormones? Is it just me? It's one of those days I really need to be encouraged and loved on and yet I can't seem to get a hold of anyone...surprise, surprise. Pretty sure that is the Lord saying, "Jill, come to me, I will give you rest, I will hold you, I will give you all that you need."

I am such a human of touch that sometimes hearing a voice or a hug or just anything AUDIBLE helps me. I think that is why I feel so disconnected sometimes. I can't hear the Lord and I can't physically feel His touch...but I HAVE TO BELIEVE HE is really there and holding me.

Just breathe.....

Do Not Fear....

2010-10-18T08:40:00.000-07:00

I read a great devotional this morning by Joyce Meyer, it the Battlefield of the Mind devotional. I HIGHLY recommend it. "Life is a struggle, and teh devil is determined to defeat and destroy us. We don't ever reach the place where we never have to fight. But it's not just our fight. Jesus in not only with us, but He is for us. He's at our side to strengthen us and to urge us onward." The verse that popped out to me was Isaiah 43:1b-2 "Fear not, for I have redeemed you...; I have called you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flame kindle upon you." It blows my mind when I actually stop and think about God calling me by name, I can just hear it in my head now, Jill, you are MINE! WOW! It almost brings tears to my eyes.

One thing I am learning as an adult is there is always some kind of trial burning in our lives. Whether we are single or married have children or don't, there is always something. The devil tries his hardest to attack us from all angles. Praise Jesus that He walks with us in our trials and storms. I know that I personally feel so defeated by the stupid devil so many times....but it is so great to have such a wonderful reminder that I am truly never alone.

Being single sometimes the feeling of being alone can be so overwhelming. But, I love that scripture where He reminds me that I am never alone! There are moments where I feel like I just can't do it any more, but God never lets me go and He has put a few wonderful people in my life that pray for me and uplift me, and for them, I am so grateful!

Learning...

2010-09-20T13:26:00.000-07:00

I am in a stage of learning many many new things...about people, about myself and most importantly about our Savior Jesus. Some of the things I am learning are not always easy to swallow. I have been being shown that some relationships I have with friends are very toxic to me. So, learning how to step away from those friends is very difficult for me. The other day I actually had an ah ha moment! I was so concerned with what a person was going to say to me or think that I almost had a panic attack...now, that is just stupid! So, I realized...hey Jill, you have ZERO ZIP NO control over what happens in your life so, why do you keep trying to handle your own problems or issues...then I finally realized, ALL I have to do is ask our precious Jesus to take over the situation and the stresses and fears I have regarding that person or situation and He will take care of it, ALL! I am telling you, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my back. I know this is not something that will just be gone and that it will definitely be a process but, what a glorious day it is to have ah ha moments with our Jesus!

I am also in a new bible study called "The Significant Woman" and I believe it is going to open my eyes big time! I have only had 1 session but it was amazing!

Thank you, Jesus for your love.grace.mercy.unconditional love.acceptance

Acceptance...

2010-08-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

Accepted: generally approved; usually regarded as normal, right, etc. This is the definition according to http://www.dictionary.com/. Why do we long to be accepted so badly by the things and people of this world? I have really been thinking and pondering on this a lot lately, especially since I have had so many people make comments about my body and suggesting different things I can do to lose weight. I feel like I want to be accepted because if I am not, then there is obviously something wrong with me. I mean I am 31 and single...these are the kind of thoughts that the enemy puts in to my mind! I feel so unaccepted by so many "friends" sometimes. That is why I have to find my true identity and self in Christ Jesus. No person, not a friend or a man will ever make me or anyone else feel complete and accepted EVER! The only person who will accept us for who we are is Jesus! This has also made me more aware of how I look at other people around me too and it is quite the eye opener.

I could go on for a long time trying to explain myself and why it is harder for me to lose weight but, I am not going to do that any more. I feel like maybe the Lord keeps me in a place of "discontentment" so to speak to make me desire more and more to be with Him in heaven one day. :) Brings me back to the wonderful song by Bethany Dillon:

"Beautiful"

I was so unique

Now I feel skin deep

I count on the make-up to cover it all

Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention

I thought I could be strong

But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?

I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]

I want to be beautiful

Make you stand in awe

Look inside my heart,

and be amazed

I want to hear you say

Who I am is quite enough

Just want to be worthy of love

And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me

Fighting to make the mirror happy

Trying to find whatever is missing

Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful

You make me stand in awe

You step inside my heart, and I am amazed

I love to hear You say

Who I am is quite enough

You make me worthy of love and beautiful

Lord, I truly want to be beautiful in Your eyes. Help me to keep my focus steadfast on you!

I hope whoever reads this, feels beautiful today!

Register

2010-08-03T07:29:00.001-07:00

You are Here and Then You are Not...

2010-08-03T07:13:00.000-07:00

It still blows my mind anytime someone passes away suddenly. I will be honest, it obviously affects me more when it is my own family or someone that I am close to. I lost my Uncle Jack on Monday, August 2nd, unexpectedly. Though I am sad that he is gone, I am praising our Holy Father for redeeming my Uncle. My uncle had a very rough life but, thankfully he found Jesus and His salvation a few years ago! I have always had a soft spot in my heart for him. I remember each time I would tell him that I loved him and he would always say, "I love you too kid". I know I will see him again! Please pray for his children, they are not believer's and I know that he was in prayer for them to find Jesus.

Today's devotion that was sent to me is so appropriate for all of us but, especially for me. I always feel like I have to look a certain way or be a certain way for a man to like me. Well, that is just a lie from satan and I am trying fervently to break that lie. Here is the verse and the note along with it...I hope it touches you and fills your mind with God's truth.
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." -- 1 Samuel 16:7

THOUGHT:

Have you ever wondered how many potentially good friends you may
have lost simply by judging them on your first impression of them?
I'm amazed at how the first impression very seldom tells us much of
substance about another person. We're not really going to be able
to evaluate people properly until the Lord reveals at judgment what
is really in their hearts. Don't you think that we should give them
time to reveal what is in their hearts before we make a decision
about them?! Let's don't just look on the outward appearance!

I have sadly done this too many times! Though I know that the world is full of people who only look at the outward appearance (me included sometimes), ultimately we should only care about what the Lord sees. Don't get me wrong, I know that the Lord wants us to take care of ourselves but, He loves us no matter what! HOW AMAZING!

Here is another person who loves me unconditionally....

Sunshine

2010-07-26T13:36:00.000-07:00

I truly love the sunshine! It makes my whole attitude better. I am however not a fan of the hot temperatures if I can't be by a pool or an ocean. I loathe sweating! YUCK! Especially in nice clothing.

I would love to hear some God news from any of my blogging friends. I could use some pick me ups and to hear how He is blessing you in your lives.

Just Some Fun

2010-06-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

I don't have a lot to write today, but here are some fun pictures from my weekend. My weekend started out with God showing me a beautiful rainbow as I was leaving work and the weekend just went great from there!

"Lead Me"

2010-06-14T08:57:00.000-07:00

What a great song by Sanctus Real! This is what I want in a godly husband:

I look around and see my wonderful life

Almost perfect from the outside

In picture frames I see my beautiful wife

Always smiling

But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can't

Don't leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight

That I'm still the love of your life

I know we call this our home

But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes

They're just children from the outside

I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine

They're in independent

But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands

Stand up when I can't

Don't leave me hungry for love

Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight

That I'm still the love of your life

I know we call this our home

But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength

To be everything I'm called to be

Oh, Father, show me the way

To lead them

Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands

To stand up when they can't

Don't want to leave them hungry for love,

Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight

And give them the best of my life

So we can call this our home

Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Not just a great song for married people of for a future spouse but, what a great song to try to live up to!

Have a great and blessed week!

Pray with Me

2010-05-15T17:36:00.000-07:00

I desperately desire to be a better christian. I have been doing a very lousy job for several months now. I am struggling with just picking up the bible and reading it and even worse, I am struggling to pray. So, I ask my friends to pray with me. Pray that I will get that fire back. I have been a very bad example to many friends and people I don't even know. I get so weary in waiting to see what the Lord has in store for me. I seem to fall into a pit when something goes wrong in my life. I DON'T want to do that any more! I also don't want to be tested and have any more pain. But, that is not the way life is supposed to be. God never said the christian life will be easy.

This verse was sent to me via my daily email and it is so great! "As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things." Ecclesiastes 11:5 I need to moment by moment remember this promise from the Lord. I WILL NOT understand His ways, but I just have to believe that He will show me in His time.

Thanks for praying with me! Have a good weekend.

When does life start to make a little bit of sense....

2010-05-12T17:49:00.000-07:00

The question I am asking today is one that I am pretty sure a lot of people would like to know the answer too. Unfortunately, I don't think life will ever make complete sense.

I have been having some thoughts lately about friendships. I desire a best friend, I have my whole life. I have been so blessed by some very wonderful friendships, but I still feel like something is missing. I can get really close with someone and then something happens and the trust is broken or it just feels like that season of the friendship is over. I have been wondering recently how I can be a better friend and still remain Jill. What am I doing wrong to prevent that best friendship from happening? Maybe nothing, or maybe something. I would like to say I have been praying about it, but honestly I haven't. Hmmmm....maybe that is my problem. :) I think a lot of times I feel mis-understood or I seem to stay in the same stinking place in my life while my friends lives go in many different directions and their seasons change constantly! I know that the Lord desires me to to be completely fulfilled in Him and I have not done so well with that. But, I also know that he created us for relationships. Maybe my standards are too high for people and then I feel let down...So many questions I have and so little answers. :) I will definitely being praying about this.

I also desire a relationship with the Lord and I desire to be Christ like, and I find myself failing at this daily, especially at my work place...I definitely need to get plugged in with some christian women and get some accountability. I do so much better in my life when I have positive christian influence in my life!

Be still, Jill....be still.

8 Dresses...

2010-05-04T11:24:00.000-07:00

Do you think I could have a movie based on 8 bridesmaid dresses? ha ha ha! I am beginning to think that I could open a resale shop of bridesmaid dresses! Yes, it is true. I have been a bridesmaid 8 times. 2 just this year alone. Though I am so grateful and honored to be in so many weddings, I am ready for a break of them for a while. I have just recently decided that maybe my childhood dream will change a bit. I have always wanted a wedding...now after being in 8, I am thinking that eloping and spending the money on a very nice honeymoon sounds A LOT more appealing to me. The good news is, I don't have to worry about that right now! :) All in God's timing, I know! I would take a picture of all of them...but to be honest I think I finally threw some of the oldies from the 90's in the trash. :)

Life has been interesting the past few months. Good, but interesting. I have had some minor drama, but luckily the Lord has opened my eyes to see A LOT! And I am so grateful for the things that He has opened my eyes to see. Thank you, Lord for your grace and your wisdom!

Here are a few pictures of my favorite things!

Whoa, what a ride!

2010-01-14T17:33:00.000-08:00

So, the past 4 months have definitely been a challenge. When your job is not going well, it affects your entire life surrounding you. I kept trying to remember that Jesus never left me when I was feeling so beat down and defeated. I prayed many days for endurance and contentment. After many days of praying and in my moments of not being able to pray my mom fervently prayed for me many times a day as well as many others. For that, I am so grateful! Our church is doing a 21 day fast and I started mine on Saturday. On my list of things to see God change was of course my job. I prayed for a miracle and that is just what He did. By Tuesday I quit the job from "the dark place" and was able to have a second chance and a second perspective on how well other jobs I have had really are. I am also realizing that no job comes without it's rough days. I am definitely now praying for contentment in my job and to just rely on the Lord even if it turns out to be a second by second situation. Which in most cases in my life when I am struggling, it seems second by second is too long. :) But, all in all, GOD is ALWAYS Faithful! ALWAYS!

I would love to say I am welcoming 2010 with a new perspective and I am not sad at all to say goodbye to 2009. With 2009 came many rough spots and the healing of a broken heart. Though my heart is still a little sad, I am definitely seeing the Lord's hand in His decision. In November I made a very poor choice that was a rude awakening for me. I look back just a few months later to see how the Lord was giving me a second chance to turn things around. I have not desired a relationship with the Lord for the past several months. I honestly felt abandoned and angry. Well, November 13th was the day all of that nonsense changed for me. I have learned that I need accountability. I need someone to walk along side of me and guide me in a relationship with the Lord and to tell me His truths that I so often don't believe. Why is it that I will believe the enemies lies over our HOLY and Precious Heavenly Father? My battle is definitely in my mind. And it is definitely a spiritual battle that is raging in and around me all the time. That is why it is so important to stay in direct contact with our Jesus.

I started reading a book called, "I'm Not Good Enough...and Other Lies Women Tell Themselves" by Sharon Jaynes. Though I am taking my sweet time reading it, it is a FANTASTIC book! It is filled with such wonderful scriptures and God's truth, just what I need.

I would love to hear of what your 2010 spiritual goals are, please let me know! Here are mine:

Find contentment in:

My career
My singleness

Seek the Lord daily even when I don't feel like it
To meet Jesus in a way I never have before
To experience a true Spiritual Awakening
To start living the Fruits of the Spirit

2 Chronicles 7:14

"If my people who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land."

1 John 5:14,15

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of him."

I look forward to seeing more of the positive things the Lord will do in my life in 2010! I am hopeful to be more faithful at blogging too...we will see. :)

Feelings, Emotions, Struggles

2009-11-27T15:02:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: Before you read this post...it is kind of a debby downer post...so read at your own risk...

It seems as though my life is always going to have some sort of struggle. Now it seems to be my job. I feel like I get emotionally beat up on a daily basis. All I keep remembering is that verse that says, "Be content in all circumstances". I struggle so much with that. I know life is hard, but there has to be more to this life than what I am seeing. Don't get me wrong, I am so glad to have a job, I just don't feel like I have found my nitch yet.

I have also been feeling lonely and feeling like the Lord is showing me that I need to weave out certain relationships in my life. Sometimes I feel ok with it, and other times I feel so alone. Sometimes I even feel a little annoyed and angry with the relationships. I will be honest, I feel like an emotional rollercoaster lately. And in lately, I mean the past 8 to 10 years. Do you ever see people that you just think, hmm... they have it all going for them? Well, I do.

So, on a more positive note...I have made it a goal (3 days ago) to make Jesus my everything, so in order for that to happen, I have to get into His word daily. I want to fall in love with Jesus. SO, maybe that is why He is showing me who I need to weed out of my life because it isn't good for me. I realize this is going to be a process but I am hopeful that I will fall madly in love with our Savior.

Watoto Children's Choir

2009-11-19T19:23:00.001-08:00

I just saw the most amazing children this evening at my church! They are from Africa. Check out http://www.watoto.com/ to see how you can get involved!

AMAZING!

Climbing back out...

2009-11-18T19:39:00.000-08:00

Hello blogging world! I disappeared for a while but now I'm back. It stresses me out to think of going back and telling what all has been taking place, so rather than causing extra stress, I'm not going to do it. :)

The weather has drastically changed and I do not like it. I am not a cold weather fan, I prefer weather that is in the 70's with sunshine. I am convinced heaven is going to be my favorite weather all the tme.

So, it seems I have fallen back into a pit...maybe not that I have fallen back in again, but rather that I haven't fully gotten out of it. I have finally come to the conclusion that after almost 12 months, my heart is still raw and sad sometimes. Does it ever get better? Does that pain ever go away? It is so easy for some people to just move along, I however am not one of those people. I have come to a sad hard realization, I do not know who I am. I mean, I know that I am a child of God, but I don't know what I am supposed to be doing on this earth. Ever been there? Still there? Any helpful wise words you want to share?

I have been making some really bad choices and not Christ like choices either. I had a very real rude awakening. I am mortified, but in the same sense so grateful for the eye opener. Thank you, Jesus! I am definitely a work in progress. Here are a list of my desires for the near future:
* Seek Jesus daily
* Fall in love with Jesus
* Understand His purpose for my life
* To find my nitch (spelling?)
* Be content with what the Lord gives me no matter what
* To understand God's will for my life!

Good night!

Praise the Lord

2009-07-09T13:48:00.001-07:00

My dad found out today that he got accepted for DISABILITY! WOOHOO! Praise Jesus! Sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I had been going through some stuff, but another Praise Jesus is that He has totally taken care of my in my recent struggles. Thank you, Lord

I have moved and I love IT! It is so great! Not sure if Belle loves it as much as me, but she will be fine.

I leave for the beach in 9 days! WOOOOOOHOOOOO!!!! I will post something better later.

God's Hand....

2009-05-25T18:47:00.000-07:00

I decided to take a walk this evening because it wasn't too hot and boy am I glad I did now.

I have been in a spiritual drought the past 5 1/2 months. I am sick of being here in it, I have cried out to get out of it, and still find myself in it! Well, today I just feel like something drastic changed. I am praying the drought is gone and doesn't rear its ugly head again! As I was walking I had my ipod playing, I love to have music when I exercise, it seems to motivate me more. Well, I started out with country music and I was going to switch it to rock to get really motivated, but I decided to play christian music (not by coincidence I might add). Well, "My Romance" by Christ for the Nations started playing and it just stopped me in my angry bitter tracks. I played it over and over. I was just talking to God and just pouring out my soul to Him and I could just feel something come over me, like this was a break through! Oh how I pray it really is a break through! Then as I am continuing on with my walk I look up in the cloud and there is a cloud that looked like a 4 finger hand! I just looked and turned and then looked again and just looked in amazement. I am going to choose to believe that, that was God's hand over me! And that He is saying to me, Jill, I know all of the things you struggle with right now and I am right here, My HAND is covering you!

I am not sure there is much more I can say about that now, other than, Praise You JESUS! You do hear me and You are right beside me. He knows the pains I have with certain relationships right now and He knows the decisions I am trying to work out. He knows it all and He is right here fighting through it with me! Upholding me the whole time!

No title...

2009-05-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

I couldn't think of a good title for this post, so that is why it is what it is. This post probably won't be very long.

Just feeling a little down this evening. I have been so grateful and glad that the sunshine has been here for a whole WEEK! Thank you, Jesus! Sunshine does wonders for me!

Things I would like to shed from myself emotionally....
People pleasing
Approval addiction
Desire for people to like me
Sadness for being single and lonely sometimes
Sadness for not having what I would like to have

If you have some time, I know these are very minor things in the world of all the bigger issues, but just say a prayer that I can shed these things and get my desire back to serve Jesus and love Him out of control.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend.

Talk to you soon!

Friends

2009-05-18T18:01:00.000-07:00

I had the most wonderful thing happen to me this weekend...I will get to it in a minute, but I want to talk about some other things first. Do any of you struggle to try to make people like you? Or are there certain people in your life that you just want to like you so much, but you feel like you just don't have what it takes? I do! :) Please don't get me wrong, I am a very blessed person in the aspect that God has blessed me with many people who like me. We will call them aquaintances. And then you have the people who truly want to know what is going on with you and when you tell them, even after feeling like you have been in a pit for the past billion years, they still care for you and want to know how you really feel, and they still want to be friends with you. I call these friends! I don't want to be one of those people who wear people out with my problems. I really don't! I just know that one day, I am going to be able to be there for others and I actually hopefully won't be in a state of issues... We will see. I guess even if I am still having issues, hopefully I will be able to return the favor.

Speaking of 'pit', I have been in one. God has allowed me and my friend Amy to reconnect with one another and our friendship has really just blossomed. We went to dinner on Saturday night, just the two of us and it was so nice! I can honestly say, I have never seen this side of her before. She has always made me laugh and she is very funny and super nice and fun! We just haven't really had a moment like we did. So, she goes on to tell me that she had just really been praying for me and she asked God to reveal to her just exactly it was that I have been feeling! Ok, first of all! WHO DOES THAT! I was so humbled by her love and desire to relate to me in my pain. She said that while they were at church, the Lord completely revealed to her just exactly it was that I have been feeling and going through. She told me and honestly, it was exactly what I have been feeling that no one else seems to get or understand. I think at this point, people are probably like, Jill, seriously...get over it! Well, I am not like those people. So, she reccomended a great book to me. It is actually one that I have seen over and over, just never picked it up to read it. It is this:

So far, it is hitting the nail on the head.

Thank you to all of you who read this and love me! You are appreciated beyond words! For those of you who have listened more than your share! THANK YOU!

Why is it that....

2009-05-12T18:25:00.000-07:00

Why is it that I do what I don't want to do? But, at the time I don't remember that, I do, but it doesn't seem to bother me enough. You know? I know that if I ask God to forgive me, He will. It just seems that I feel guilty in asking His forgiveness again. Grace, God's Grace is so hard for me to grasp for myself. Do any of you other believer's struggle with these things? So, to people I am supposed to be a witness too, I have instead acted the opposite with. I just get so tired of being good all the time. Does that make sense?

My room mate told me of a verse that I have heard over and over before, but thanks to Beth Moore, she put it in a whole new perspective... Isaiah 30:31 "But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired." We will grow weary if we are not seeking the Lord and putting our absolute ALL into Him. We tend to put our hope in the things that we so desperately desire! I know that for me right now is to be in a good godly and God ordained marriage. When in all reality, I need to be putting my HOPE IN MY JESUS! I struggle with this over and over. I am really good at believing things for other people, but when it comes to myself, it is like I have zero hope and FAITH! Sometimes I just get tired of praying and I am sure my friends get really tired of me asking them to pray for me. I pray they don't and I pray that the Lord blesses them deeply for there servants hearts in lifting me up when I just either don't want to, or can't. I desire to have faith and I desire to be hopeful that Jesus will give me my heart's desires in His perfect and due time. I really don't want to ruin God's perfect plan for my life. So, even though the waiting stinks A LOT! I would rather wait for the Lord and do it right.

So, I will continue to try to get the faith and hope that I need to honor the Lord and live this life to the fullest. To all I have done wrong and haven't been a great witness...I am so sorry, but I am human and I do make mistakes.

Until next time...I will give you an update on my faith and hope journey. :)

Sunny Day

2009-05-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I thought since we have had absolutely no sunshine the past several days and I have had the stomach bug since basically last Monday...my post today would be called Sunny Day! Sunny day because praise the Lord my stomach is not nauseated today! WOOHOO! I think I am on the mend! I am a horrible sick person, I despise it.

Speaking of the beach!!! I go in 74 days! WOOHOO!

I need...

2009-04-26T22:48:00.000-07:00

I need faith...I need patience....I need to believe that God will do what He says He will do. I need to believe that the desires I have had my whole life are not just a waste. I need to believe that He has a real plan and a real purpose for my life. I need to believe He will reveal it to me in due time. When is that time? You know I hit 30 a couple months ago and I just thought that life would look so different for me. I am sure a lot of people think that very same thing. We all have issues, we all have trials, we all have joy and we all have things that we take for granted. I for one want to stop and enjoy and open my eyes to see all of the wonderful things the Lord has given me and not take it for granted.

I need prayers tonight. I need to let him go, once and for all. Never once before in my life have I had to have daily face to face communication with an ex-boyfriend, until now. The man that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, the man who I now realize I would have been settling for, I can't stop loving him. I see him daily at my job in the afternoons and some days are so easy, and some days are so stinking hard! I sometimes ask God why I have to see him everyday, and then other days, I just say, ok God, You obviously think I can handle this....not sure why You think I can, but You must. You know the past few days I feel like I have just gone backwards in my healing process. The pain is all too real and soooo deep like it is new! I just want to let him go and move on! I want God to bring me my husband. I don't want to hear anyone say, "it will happen when you least expect it", or "girl, you don't want to rush in to this", or "when you aren't looking, that is when it will happen"...Well, guess what...I guess it will happen when the Lord says it will happen. Let me just say for the record, those comments are NOT HELPFUL AT ALL! They are not comforting words, they are sharp words that cut single women deep.

I am trying to seek the Lord and believe that He has me in the palm of His beautiful scarred hands and He will hold me and carry me while I am too weary to walk and I hope and pray that one day, He will knock me (and my other single friends who have waited so long) socks off!

Good night

Quiet...Be still

2009-03-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

I have been going to a new church again, and all I can say is, "WOW" you know when the Holy Spirit just prompts you? I don't have many of those moments, but when they do come, it is so AMAZING. It isn't about the pastor or the frills, it is about truly worshiping Jesus and hearing God's word! Check it out... http://www.keypointchurch.com/.

The past 2 weeks we have been studying "Freedom". Both weeks have been really great messages and applied directly to me and my life. Yesterday the pastor was talking about when Jesus and His disciples were out on the ocean and the storm was raging and Jesus was down below sleeping peacefully, while the disciples were up above panicking. They went down to Jesus and said, "Do you not care if we drown?" Jesus got up and went out to the sea and said,.... (this is my favorite part), "Quiet, Be still!" and the winds died down and it was completely calm. Mark 4:39 WOW! So, through out the message he was talking about how life is full of troubles. They are inevitable, we can't get around them. Being a christian doesn't mean your life is going to be sunshine and roses. But, one thing I just thought of, one day it will be SUNSHINE and ROSES ALL THE TIME! I just cried and cried as I felt Jesus telling me, "Jill, quiet, be still!" The pastor was talking about how sometimes troubles eventually go away and some troubles do not. So, when they don't go away, that is when we have to seek the Father and pray for Him to give us peace to handle it and it will eventually not be as rough all the time. I have so many things that I struggle with, that just spoke many things to me.

Especially in my singleness, I just felt like God was saying, "Jill, quiet! be still! and Trust ME!" I struggle daily in trusting God and believing that He will fulfill the desires of my heart. I have so many people tell me, "oh Jill you will be married one day and have children." Excuse me, but did God come down and say, "yes, Jill will be married and be a mother one day." If He did, He did not send me that memo. I just in a place sometimes that I feel like I don't want to believe that it could happen one day and then it doesn't, I will be in for another huge dissappointment, you know? Then, there are other days where I chose to believe He will knock my socks off. So, I am working on that. Maybe this summer there will be a group of ladies that would like to do the Beth Moore “Believing God” bible study. I have wanted to do that one for so long…years and year ACTUALLY.

Here is what I need to do in all my troubles....GET MY EYES off of the CIRCUMSTANCES! Troubles will come to an end!

So, during the sermon, I just cried and cried, because I just felt like the Lord was speaking directly to me. Pastor Casey was talking about troubles and how troubles are inevitable in our lives. We can’t prevent them. But, they do eventually come to an end. Well, I feel like I have been in the midst of all of these struggles lately and like they will never end. The pastor talked about how some troubles come to an end and some do not end for a very long time. If that is the case where you are, God will give us peace (I believe that is the peace that surpasses all understanding) that we can’t understand to get us through the situations!

I would love to hear from you and if I could pray for you, or if you have a praise. Here are a few prayer requests:

My friend’s dad had his gall bladder removed today, pray for a quick recovery and no complications.
My dad and his atrial fibrillation and high blood pressure. That the dr.’s will be able to get things working properly where he feels good again.

Oh, there was one more thing. We played and sang one of my favorite worship songs on Sunday too, "Sweetly Broken" by Jeremy Riddle. Enjoy the beautiful words:

Have a good night!

Rain, rain go away

2009-03-18T19:54:00.000-07:00

So, some of you may know that my dad was put in the hospital on Friday night after discovering his EKG was seriously off. What we thought were possible symptoms of acid reflux, Saturday we found out it was Atrial Fribrulation and high blood pressure. Long story I will try to make short, he finally got released on Sunday after Saturday night having a scare, me and Jennie working on no sleep for about 28 hours and me losing it with the nurse for not caring about my dad the way I thought she should. I am just not sure one is ever prepared to have to take care of their parents...I know I was not prepared and neither was my sister. We both stated this whole "adult thing" really stinks sometimes. It is definitely an emotional roller coaster.

I just read a friends blog and she is looking for praises rather than just prayer requests and I have to be honest. Sometimes I have a very hard time finding things I am thankful for, when I feel like it just keeps pouring rain. I do know one thing I am so very thankful for, and that is for the faithful people who are praying for my dad and my sister and I. It actually overwelms me to tears right now thinking of all of the people who are interceding on our behalf. I know the peace I have felt today, could only come from the Lord. So, to all of you who are showing so much love not just to me, but to my family as well, words can not express how truly blessed I feel to know that you are praying for us.

Someone brought it to my attention that I have had a lot of "rain" this year, and I guess I hadn't stopped to think of it all. Which I am glad I haven't, because it would truly overwelm me and discourage me. I feel discouraged a lot over certain dreams I have had my whole life, and they have not been answered...yet. Kind of feels like a waste, you know. When you are a little girl, no one warns you that the things you thought would just happen one day, may not happen or may not happen in the time frame you expected. That is a huge disappointment. Or you continue to see the dreams you had for yourself happen over and over again in others lives. Things definitely do not make sense in this crazy world. All I know is, in the Daniel bible study I just finished by Beth Moore, there was a part in it that talked about one day, when we are in heaven, we can look back on past struggles and see all of the angels working and how God was doing amazing things in the midst of that specific crisis and how He was holding me through it all, especially when I feel so alone. Oh for the day to sit on Jesus lap and for Him to hold me and for me to actually be able to feel Him and see His beautiful face. Oh how I long for that day!

I am not sure if anyone even reads my blog but, I know that it truly helps me to be able to write out exactly what I feel and think.

I will end on a very sweet cute note, tonight I was talking to Savanah and she said, "Jill, you have to get on Barbie.com! They have a new game on their!" Thank you Lord for that beautiful 7 year old you have blessed our lives with!

Cranky day...

2009-03-11T18:46:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or is there something in the air today. Nothing even happened today, I have just been really tired and this afternoon I just felt really cranky and like I am doing too much! Well, I know that part is true. I seem to have something to do almost every night of the week. I am the type of person that needs some down time. Funny thing, my last Daniel bible study last night was on trying to not complain! Hmmm...What can I say, I have a lot of things to work on. One at a time.

Then Belle seemed to be so wired and disobedient. I am so sad that she might start be starting that bratty dog stage. Well, I am the first to tell you, I will NOT put up with it. I will being doing my best to nip that phase in the bud.

So, anyone have a blessing or a prayer request they would like me to pray for them about? I love to think about other people to get the focus off of myself.

Have a good night and a good day tomorrow.

I will leave you with this, just in case you had a weird day or just if you want to laugh....

Rescued by the King of Glory

2009-03-07T10:50:00.000-08:00

This songs says it all for me, when I am in the pits, when words just can't come...

Almost Friday!!!

2009-03-05T19:12:00.000-08:00

This post will be short and sweet but I just wanted to write a quick note. I love Fridays! I guess because I know the weekend is here and if I am a lucky single woman, I can sleep in a little on Saturdays! But, I will say, the older I get the early I get up! Grrr....

I received a massage for my big 30 from a friend and I decided to use it tonight and may I just say that it was absolutely HEAVENLY! I am sure I will be sore tomorrow, but I find it so worth it!

So, tomorrow I have my 1st annual review at work, so pray for me. I am so thankful to have a job in this mess. I believe it will go fine, but I just hate these things. I would like to get a raise, but, like I just said, I am so thankful to have a job, so I have to be prepared to not get one. It hasn't been looking so good for other people in my office, so that is why I say that.

Well, I am almost done with my Daniel bible study and I feel like I am finally starting to get some of the stuff (of course at the end, I finally start picking it up). I find it thoroughly exciting when I learn something new from God and His Holy word, the Bible.

One last thing, looks like the BEACH is going to be a reality for me this summer and I can not, can NOT wait for it! I love the beach, I feel so relaxed and refreshed when I am there and I feel like this will be a great time for me to relax and just spend some time with the Lord. Luckily I am going with a friend and some of her friends that won't require me to do a lot unless of course I want too. IN other words, I will not be hurting feelings if I just want to stay at the beach!

Ok, well going to do some bible study and then off to bed.

Monday, Monday...

2009-03-02T15:40:00.000-08:00

So, todays struggle began this morning when I woke up, stupid satan! He sure likes to make me feel bad and let things that I don't even need to keep worrying about bother me! So, I got to work and checked my email and my friend Kim, http://www.mystorykimberly.blogspot.com/ has introduced me to the most wonderful daily email devotions. It is called Heartlight, http://www.heartlight.org/cgi-shl/todaysverse.cgi?day=20090302. I highly recommend it. Todays verse was perfect for me, "Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who dowrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plantsthey will soon die away." Psalm 37:1-2. My thoughts and struggles were of worrying what other people think about me. I want everyone to like me and I know that, that can't happen! But, I am just so afraid with the people who I am no longer friends with, will just keep spreading all of my negative side to everyone. Totally ridiculous, I KNOW, but oh so real! I am trying to tell myself that no one is perfect and even those who chose to talk badly of me and my faults, have their own issues they should really be noticing and working on that. My friend Dawn told me something the other night that I need to put in to daily practice, especially at my job, and I am sorry, but I will probably boch this all up, but the part that stuck was, if you find yourself gossipping, then you are about to be unemployed by Jesus! So, I need to remember when I gossip, I am not working for Jesus and I am totally acting unemployed! I just loved that! Thanks, Dawn!

I couldn't quit feeling so tired today. It was terrible, so tonight instead of going for a walk, I am going to or correction, I am taking it easy on my bed with sweet Belle. I am so ready for the warm weather that is on its way.

So, I would like to start being more grateful, so today I am thankful for Belle. The Lord has totally blessed me with this dog that I have fallen in love with. She makes me crazy sometimes and I tend to yell at her sometimes too, but she is such a sweet blessing. I have wanted a dog for about 10 years and I have never been able to have one until now. She is 15 weeks old! I am thankful for other things as well, but she is what I am most thankful for today. Here she is when I first got her on Dec. 19th

and then, here she is enjoying a wonderful stinky pig ear!

A New Day and A New Thing

2009-03-01T10:46:00.000-08:00

Hello Bloggers! I have decided to become a part of the blogging world again! Yes, that's right. I started a blog several years ago and kept up with it occasionally, but that was all before the wonderful world of Facebook and Myspace. I love to read my friends blogs and also look at others blogs that I don't even know. Lately I have seen so many wonderful blogs of how God is answering prayers. That has been so encouraging to me! One of the most amazing miracles I have seen God answer is through my friend Kelly's blog, http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/, about their sweet baby girl Harper.

So, today I tried a new church. It is really nerve racking to walk into a new place by yourself and not see a familiar face, but I will say, those people were so welcoming and so kind! I think about 8 people came up to me and said hello and that they were glad I was there. It was overwhelming, a good overwhelming! I know a family that goes there and I eventually met up with them, it was a good service. It was on surrendering our lives completely over to Christ. The topic was "3 Essentials to being a disciple of Christ"...
1. Abandonment "deny yourself"
2. Alignment "take up your cross daily" Luke 14:27, Galatians 2:20, 1 Peter 2:11, 1 Timothy 4:7, and Romans 6:4,6
3. Allegiance "follow Me"
Those are 3 great things to break down and think upon this week.

I had a pretty low key weekend. I did what I wanted to do and it seemed to have flown by. In my opinion, weekends do not last nearly long enough! And as for the snow we received, I am ready for it to move along.